Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all of you wonderful, amazing, beautiful, courageous women we call mothers!! I would like to say that I give all of you an extended tip of the fedora for everything that you do and everything that you are. I have so much admiration for the courage that it takes to bring a life into this world and nourish, cultivate and feed this life, in every imaginable way, to ensure that it becomes the best son/daughter/human being it can be.

I thank all of you mothers for making sure to raise us with morals, give us values and teach us to fly with the birds rather than slither with the snakes. You all wear so many hats at one time and I have seen firsthand how hard it can be to keep them all steady. At any given time, mothers are protectors, confidantes, best friends, nurses, teachers, role models, veterinarians, inspirational speakers, janitors, disciplinarians and sometimes the worst enemy and oftentimes you are more than one of these things at the same time. That's not counting your regular role as wife/sister/aunt/employee/woman/individual.

You know these two were gossiping about their kids. 

I have been trying to write more on the subject for a few minutes now, but I guess my head's not in the right space to form the words as eloquently as I would like. My own mother has been all of those things I listed above to me at some point in my life, but as an adult now I also see her as a woman, an adult and a human being. I never saw her as a human being before I was an adult. I know that sounds weird but I didn't. I saw her as Mommy, or as I call her (partially because I know it makes her laugh and partially because when I say it at juuuust the right pitch it gets on her nerves lol) Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! and any way I sliced the cake, she was invincible, could do anything, was always right, and was always there. I didn't understand before that she had needs that existed outside of us. I didn't understand what it felt like to be a single mother of 5 and to have that weight on her shoulders. I didn't understand the loneliness that comes from being a single woman. In short, I didn't understand that she had other needs. All I understood was that I had my Mommy, and all would be well. But now that I'm grown, I see her in another light that makes me appreciate why I was able to put the superhero cape on her in the first place.

I wouldn't wax the floors, but I'd sweep and mop the 'dust' right off of em for my Maaaa. 

I see her now as a human being, as a woman, and as an adult. And the reality is that it must have been incredibly hard to be all of those things for me and my siblings (I have 4, I'm the oldest). I find it difficult sometimes just to juggle being a daughter, a sister and an individual. But she juggled everything at the age I am now, if not younger than I, and I never saw the struggle in it because she didn't allow me to. And it was because of that strength that I began to view her as invincible, and I think it helped me because now I have a deeper appreciation for who she was as a mother to me in the years I needed it most. I didn't see the weak moments as a child because I naively believed that she didn't have any. As an adult I now know the truth, but not having seen them earlier gave me strength I wouldn't have had otherwise. And I'm grateful for that.

I have always felt the safest when I was with my mom. Still do. 

I also understand now that she is not by any means invincible, and can be harmed and was harmed for much of my childhood. But she kept going. I have my issues and will someday probably end up being the reason why my future therapist has a heated pool and a sauna in their backyard due to my sessions, but I'm here and I'm okay. I have an incredible set of morals and values and a spirituality with my God that I can all trace back to her and my grandmother, who is still the apple of my eye some 22 years later.

She did too. I think I'm better for those times she did. 

When I first started writing this post, I wanted it to be some happy, feel-good post but the reality is that life, and motherhood, is not always rainbows and butterflies. Certain realizations are made as adults that aren't so good but they are necessary to continue growing as an adult and continue growing into an adult relationship with one's parent. I do feel that the parental-child relationship should evolve as the child evolves into a functioning adult, because the dynamics change. I now see my mom for the flawed person that she is and even though that sounds like an insult, I can assure that it isn't. My entire childhood was based on the premise and belief that my mom was never wrong, was perfect. As I began to grow and see her as a person in addition to being my mother, said belief crumbled but I had put her on such a high pedestal that even the smallest mistakes seemed mountaintop high to me. Every small problem crushed my spirits. That was an incredibly unfair position to put my mom in, but completely my fault for not being able to see past her being my mother. She isn't on that pedestal anymore, because nobody on this Earth needs to be that high. We are all flawed and have our problems. I didn't allow my mom to have hers, because I thought she was perfect. I still struggle with that sometimes today. It's hard to grow up and realize that mom isn't always the superhero you thought she was, but not because something's wrong with her. She's not the superhero you always thought she was because she's human, and she's entitled to make mistakes, has to make them in order to grow. I wasn't giving her room to grow because I'd put her up so high. So when she tripped to the normal world, she fell to me. And that wasn't fair. As a woman, now, I can see that and I hope that my child(ren) understand(s) this lesson much sooner than I did. Mom is not an easy job by any stretch of the imagination.

Stepmamas and adopted mothers, this day is in every way possible your day too and I really hate it when people try to say it isn't. Both of you have to deal with some really tough material! In many cases, no neither of you get to bond with your child from day one as natural mothers do. Sometimes you get us after we've become whole people, many times after we've probably become set in our ways, and have to try to mesh with us somehow and in so many cases it looks like a nearly impossible feat to accomplish. But you do it. Some of you put up with the nasty dispositions, foul attitudes and smart mouths from the resistant child(ren), and you don't give up at trying to reach us. Stepmoms, you are the other female voice of reason in our lives and adopted mothers, I see no difference between you and a biological mother. Once the child is yours, the child is yours. Because of the life I have had, I know that family isn't always determined by blood, and blood family is not always family. I wish I'd had a better relationship with my own stepmom but that wasn't meant to be part of my story. It is what it is. Single pops, this day's for you too. Society is more familiar with single mothers, despite the fact that some respect it and others look down on it. Society is not as familiar with single fathers, because they've gotten such a bad rap. But for all the single fathers out there turning the reputation around, this day's for you too. For being mother and father in an environment where it is not expected and not given half of the credit it deserves and I thank you. I was a kid raised primarily by a single mother in various neighborhoods of kids with the same. Not once did I see a single father actively raising his kid until I was grown and that's sad. But I know they're out there, doing the job that is often relegated to the mother and happy to do it. This may be Mother's Day and the focus is supposed to be on the women, but single fathers, just like the single mothers I'm going to be saying thank you to on Father's Day, you are mother and father to your child(ren) and to me that means I can say thank you and tip my hat to you all today too. Mamas-to-be, I know this must be a special time for you, being able to celebrate your very first Mother's Day. I hope you never forget this feeling.

This picture has it right. Today, mothers, you get to relax. Put your feet up, let the family wait on you for once. Bright and early Monday morning it will be back to the grind. Today is your day, mothers, and I hope you have a wonderful one. Thank you for all that you do and Happy Mother's Day!

And so wraps up another personal post, enjoy your Sunday! Back to our regularly scheduled programming we go....

*Mandy's note: I hope I have not offended anyone, these are simply my thoughts.